A full-time mum with five kids. Cooking, cleaning.
You know that woman locked in the basement in Austria?
Jenny can relate.
I've tried my best, but Mum and Dad don't exactly make it easy.
Will this take long?
Things were fine until Mum lost it.
Now Dad's basically homeless thanks to her.
Thank God I've got my career to focus on.
You know, I called my agent seven times
and she hasn't called back once.
Mum and Dad just don't get it.
Love is supposed to be like fireworks and explosions.
Mum and Dad always scream at each other.
That's normal... isn't it?
So, first of all, thank goodness someone took the initiative
to seek outside help for this family.
- Thank you. - Here's what I hear.
All of you need things from each other
but clearly lack the capacity to communicate those needs.
So let me do it for you.
Ah, excuse me, Miss...
Ms. And Danny, don't interrupt.
Lesson one -- when a woman talks, you listen.
I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that I was making a joke.
Danny, the children need you.
Jenny, you need you-time again
and to see Danny be an engaged, attentive father.
So, as an experiment from now on,
Danny will take the children on Saturdays by himself.
Oh, no, no, no, no. Saturday's not good for me.
- My workers need me... - Your employees will be fine.
As for your children...
.. and your marriage...
But Danny's never been alone with the kids before.
Don't you think now is the perfect time to address that?
She was really mean. It was like she didn't even care.
She's my new role model, plus, she gave me all these exercises
to help with nerves for auditions.
Oh, my God! Did Beryl call you too?
What? When did Beryl call you?
Oh, nothing. It's stupid.
Melissa, what are you talking about?
Beryl got me a TV role.
I'm going to play an assault victim
who's had her legs broken with a crowbar!
That is so cool.
Ben, you're hurting me.
Oh, sweetie, don't take it too personally.
It's just that Melissa's very unusual.
But you said I was unusual too.
It's true, it's true.
But there's something else about Melissa
that makes her very attractive to directors.
She has this special trick.
I wish I had it.
Have a watch.
What are you saying, doctor?
That I'll never walk again?
Melissa gets the waterworks going every time, on cue.
It's a gift.
If you can do that, you'll go far.
- What's wrong, another anal fissure? - That only happened once.
- What about the Big Bottle? - Gay.
Ooh, how about the hedge maze?
Ah... you kidding? You remember the fire?
All the people got trapped inside and died.
Everyone did say that maze was too complicated.
These are all terrible.
Why do 'gweilo' like big things so much?
Big Potato, Big Wombat, Big Clam.
Don't worry Dad. Wherever we go, I'm sure it'll be awesome.
Except that.
Tam, put on your sunscreen!
Your dad is gonna be here in two seconds.
So, Mum, if Beryl calls the landline,
tell her I'm out and to SMS me instead.
Oh, and get her to call if it's important.
Mum, did you hear me?
Tam! Put your balls away! You want Mummy in a wheelchair?
Mum!
Yes. Yes, SMS, call.
Why am I in trouble?
Michelle hasn't even cleaned up her stupid guinea pig.
Mum, Mum, Mum, it's happening again!
Oh, you're too excited.
OK. Oh, you're getting blood all over your dress.
Eww! Eww, gross, Mum!
- Daddy's here! - No fighting.
Dad!
Where're we going? Where're we going? Where're we going?
OK, just wait a minute.
Promise me you won't let the kids out of your sight,
especially the girls.
- Mum, I'm not a baby. - Yeah, I'm 10.
Ai, when my friend was 10, she was kidnapped off the streets
and sold into child labour in China.
I still think of her every time I see a smartphone.
The kids are not gonna get kidnapped.
Bye, darling.
- Oh, here we go. - Have a great day.
How are they even breathing?
OK, OK -- let's go.
OK, come on. Everybody in.
Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad!
Hey, Daddy!
OK.
Where are we going, Dad?
Bye.
Oh, doll, when was the last time you had your hair treated?
After Tammy was born, before my baby Michelle. Maybe ten years.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Sweetie, that's a hate crime to your hair.
Oh, no, no, no! That's having five children.
Oh, get you!
Well, this is you-time now.
Would you like the massage chair on?
- No... - Oh, of course you would.
- Jenny! - Ah-Jun!
Aunty... Aunty.
Not so fun.
We're back!
Hello!
See? Everyone back in one piece.
- Hey, Mum. - You took them to Beeworld?
We saw a girl get stung and nearly die.
It was just a seizure.
Did Beryl call? My phone went flat.
Hey, future husband.
- Yes, I missed you too... - Dad got this for you.
Ohh! So you didn't just sleep in the car?
No, I...
Dad came with us on everything.
The Bee Slide, the Bee Train, the Bee Coaster.
Yeah, I was surprised. It actually wasn't shit.
OK, Daddy off to work.
Bye!
OK, chop-chop! Time for shower.
Otherwise you'll grow worms.
OK, bye.
And everything was OK? The girls didn't fight?
Ah, no, except who got to sit with Daddy on the Bee Coaster.
We had fun.
Oh, sounds good. Fun Dad.
OK, OK. Bye.
Ohh... oh. Bye.
Bye.
Mum!
You were supposed to put it in the cage outside!
This was my only sports bra!
We can get a new one tomorrow.
As if you need a sports bra anyway! You don't even have tits.
What?
You're going to kill Buttons!
Girls! Stop fighting! Stop fighting!
Mum, are you OK?
Why am I in trouble? I didn't even do anything wrong!
- Tam, I'm sorry... - I wish Dad had kicked you out!
Ah... Mum?
I think your eggs are boiled.
Gogo, have you seen my man-sarong? These shorts are chafing.
Oh, we could totally tell Dad to take us here next.
Yeah, I've told Dad the same thing.
- Ugh. - What's wrong with you?
This.
What the hell! Is Melissa OK?
She's better than OK. It's her first day on set.
Whoa, that's really messed up.
Tell me about it.
Hello? Miss Streep?
Mum's always on her side,
even if I haven't done anything wrong.
So when Michelle can't even control her gross rat
I'm the one Mum yells at. It's so unfair.
You know your Mum doesn't always make sense.
All she does is nag and shout all the time. Boring.
"Wear this dress! No respect!
"Where did all of Michelle's bruises come from?"
Blah, blah, blah. I hate her.
Look, how about we go somewhere this week?
We don't have to wait till the weekend. You're on holidays.
Like where?
Mmm... the zoo?
Oh, what was that?
Michelle! I know you're listening!
Mum, Beryl just called! I've got an audition!
Oh!
Oh, that's great.
I have to call Dad!
OK, I gotta go. Goodbye.
OK, kids!
"With plans starting at $35 a year."
How come Wayne can't come? Hello! He's family now.
- I heard that! - ".. per month."
- What's the audition for again? - Health insurance.
They're looking for people
who look "significantly physically compromised".
Beryl thought of me first.
Oh, yuck.
Oh!
How much deodorant did you put on?
Everybody ready?
"I was basically left for dead..."
Mummy's coming too!
Why?
Ai-ya, when was the last time we all spent quality time together?
What happened to you-time?
Children, animals. What could be more Jenny?
Or more fun?
Don't hit your own car!
You smell like a fancy toilet. What's going on?
OK, shhh!
"When she has a newborn,
"the koala produces special faeces from her anus called 'pap'
"which the joey licks from her fur."
Can you imagine if people fed babies with their butts?
Hey, wait for me!
- Isn't this nice? - Yeah, nice.
OK, who want a drink?
Oh, thanks Dad.
Tam, Tam, Tam!
- That looks like fun, hey? - Yeah. Sure.
- Fun. - Wait, wait, wait!
Get your koala photos! Soft and furry!
Touch and stroke me!
Andrew!
Heidi. Didn't know you worked here.
"With plans starting at $35."
"With PLANS starting at $35." "With plans STARTING..."
Ah-Ben...
What is going on with your mum? She's acting weird.
Dad, you are talking about Mum. But it's a good thing.
We're all together like one big family. It's working.
Just keep doing what you're doing.
Hey, kids!
- "With plans starting AT $35." - Let's go see the golden possum.
Look, look! Look!
I'm the mummy wallaby, and you can all be my baby wallabies
because you come from my big, furry...
Alright, take a picture.
.. pouch.
With a wingspan of about two metres,
the white-bellied sea eagle
is one of Australia's largest birds of prey.
Now, these mighty birds eat fish, other birds,
turtles and small mammals, and that of course includes naughty children.
Hey, hey -- question.
If you had to pick, who would you say is more fun? Mummy or Daddy?
- What? - If you had to choose.
Mum, it's not a competition.
How do you know? Always start like this.
First Beeworld, then the zoo, then Singapore,
then Mummy all alone, eating boiled eggs.
What are you talking about?
Dad's only doing what the counsellor told him to.
He's just trying to be Fun Dad and brainwash you.
Mum, if you talked to Dad properly, you'd see that...
Shh!
- You two take the first buggy. - Oh, no, I'll go with Tam.
We're going to miss out on Koalas Live if we go on!
Dad already said he was coming on this with me.
What about mummy-daughter bondage time?
Oh, we've got two here!
I'll take Michelle. You two get on the buggy and talk.
About stuff!
Buckle up, ladies and gents. You're right to go.
- Oh, no... - See you guys soon.
- Okay, alright, bye. - Bye!
Um, I'll meet you guys back here.
Where are you going?
I'm seeing someone for lunch.
Ooooh!
Brother's growing up.
- Ready? - See you, guys.
Out of the way, Michelle.
"I was basically..."
Let's wait here. This way we'll be in the front row for the next show.
Can't we just come back?
Mish, I've only got 2 hours and 47 minutes before my audition.
I need to focus.
"After the accident, I was basically left for dead."
San-go, Platypus Pond is just over there...
"But thanks to SupaHealth Private, I've never felt so alive!"
Oh, no. Do you have any tissues?
"More alive." "I've never felt more alive!"
Ohh. I'm going to get some toilet paper.
"Basically." "I was basically left for dead."
Excuse me.
Right, and then I cry.
Mish... can you see any visible moisture?
Michelle?
Michelle!
So... do you always have lunch at the same time?
Yeah. Work only sells junk, so I pack my own.
Let me show you my box.
Do you like quinoa? It's my favourite.
- Ah... yeah! - You can try some if you want.
Michelle's missing!
- Wait, what? - I'll call security.
- What were you doing? - Nothing.
- Obviously, idiot! - What do we do?
Split up. We'll cover more ground that way.
No!
Smartphones.
Oh, God!
I was so worried the kids wouldn't have fun with just me,
but now I see I can have fun with them just as well as you.
Isn't that great?
Oh, sure. Great.
Those ears are fun.
The kids don't seem to think so.
Do you remember the first kangaroo we ever saw?
You thought it was cute and then it kicked me in the balls.
And we thought you wouldn't be able to have children.
Mu-u-u-um!
Wait, wait, wait.
- Is that Ben? - Mu-u-u-um!
Attention! Attention! There's been a kidnapping in the zoo!
She's really cute, Chinese-Australian!
She's about 140 centimetres tall!
Answers to the name Michelle... Ben, she's not a dog!
My baby, my baby! Someone's got my baby!
- Please, the police are on their way. - You don't understand!
My youngest daughter has been the victim of stranger danger!
Wow! Fancy that.
What's the chance of seeing you guys here? Hey, Dad.
Michelle!
What's going on?
Where have you been?
I was getting tissues for my nose.
Like I told you!
Now, koalas are often commonly called koala bears...
You tried to take charge.
I just stood there crying like an idiot.
You're not an idiot.
All day you've been doing exactly what the lesbian told you to.
I was jealous, thinking you were trying to steal the kids off me.
Jealous?
Didn't you come along today because you wanted us to get back together?
It's stupid, I know.
You thought I was trying to get custody of the children?
Your phone call with Tammy the other night...
Guys, can we just keep it simple?
It's your 18th. You just sit back.
Mummy take care of everything.
Kale chips. What is kale?
The party's happening here.
But you know Mum is planning it.
I can't turn up at my own son's party without doing anything.
I've had an idea.
And now... we have a big surprise!